TOUGH LOVE: Confessions of a Hopeless Romantic.

     Someone once told me that I was in love with being in love.  I’m a hopeless romantic. The type of girl who enjoys a good old fashioned relationship and all the positive and negative things that comes with it.  My track record has not been the greatest.  I’m nowhere near being a love expert, but in my 26 years of living I have grown to appreciate all the mistakes I have made when it comes to that four letter word that is….Love.   So, ladies and gentlemen…I present to you….the mistakes I made and the lessons I’ve learned in finding Love.Screenshot_2014-06-20-00-56-16-1A Lesson in Tough Love: (according to me that is.)

  1. Stop saying that all men are the same.  Just stop. Cause you sound bitter. And no man likes a bitter woman! It’s just a saying some girl came up with to justify why all her past relationships have been so crappy. If all men were the same, then this would be such a boring….boring world! You won’t find love with a negative heart…. Maybe all men are the same to you because you keep going for the same types of dudes. Change it up next time! How about you give the nice guy a try for a change. He might surprise you.
  2. Stop with the comparisons! Stop comparing yourself to their ex, and stop comparing him to your ex.  Comparing yourself to his ex will only break you down.  You will NEVER be that girl, and that is a GREAT thing! An ex is an ex for a reason. When you compare yourself to the past, you unknowingly start doing things they do, dressing how they do, ect.  You do this because in your mind you think, “Well he liked her for a reason.” But then again, he’s not with her for a reason too.  So to avoid being on the chopping block like she was, just stay away from Googling her name, searching for her on Facebook, and creeping through her Instagram….cause you might accidentally like one of her pictures, and THEN you’re screwed! He’ll never be your ex, he’ll be better than your ex! And vice versa. Repeat that daily to yourself.
  3. You know that thing we call our body, AKA Man’s greatest weakness…Respect it…or else they won’t! As a woman I can appreciate that our bodies are literally God’s gift to men.  Correct me if I’m wrong men, just joking don’t, because I know I’m right! I once met a boy, correction, a man who told me that he needed to have some sort of emotional connection with a girl in order to be comfortable enough to have sex.  He actually wanted to get to know HER before he knew how she looked naked!  Ladies, our bodies are like gold to men! We need to stop giving them the gold without having them search for the treasure first!  If a guy calls you a tease, stuck up, or anything else….then you my darling have found yourself a little boy…ditch him and thank me later!
  4. PhotoGrid_1403251672351 Don’t be afraid to start over.  Relationships are A LOT of work, and who likes to work right? When we start a new relationship it’s like we’re climbing a mountain. I shall call it…”The Relationship Mountain”.  We climb the mountain by getting the jitters and butterflies in our tummy the first few times we hang out, we spend weeks getting to know the person, then meet their friends, meet their family and finally get to the top and try our best to maintain that happy relationship.  Once we get to the top of the “Relationship Mountain”, and it starts to cave in… we’re afraid to fall…so we settle. The thought of climbing that damn mountain again just tires the hell out of us! So instead of falling…we settle, because we don’t want to start all over again.  Ladies, settling is the worst thing you could EVER do to yourself! If you’re settling, then the other person is as well, and no one wins.  Every ending is always a new beginning, and beginnings can be fun!
  5. Don’t be afraid to take risks and let go of the past.  Your friends want to set you up on a blind date? Go for it! A dude who tried to pursue you in the past comes into your life again, give him another shot!! Taking risks is what life is all about! Don’t be afraid to let go of the past because it’s something that you’re so used to.  Let go of that security blanket and let loose! You might get hurt along the way, things might not work out as you thought they would, but hey you’re still alive and breathing right?PhotoGrid_1403251595034
  6. Know your worth, and don’t be afraid to set you standards high.  Some people may call you picky…well, I call them ignorant.  Only you know what’s best for you!  You know what you want for your future and what kind of man will be able to give you that!  Don’t cut yourself short.  Set those standards high and the end result may surprise you.
  7. Acknowledge your mistakes, but don’t dwell on them.  So you were a jealous girl, you always needed his attention, you didn’t know how to pick your battles right…you screwed up in other words.  Acknowledge it. Accept it. Learn from it! No one is perfect, we all make mistakes. Don’t dwell on those mistakes though. Just be aware of them and try your hardest to avoid them in the future. Mistakes are what make us stronger and wiser! (In my case I’m a freaking genius with the strength of The Hulk!)
  8. Stop with the creeping.  Ladies, we all do it.  Shoot, I even know men who are guilty of this.  We meet a person, and the next day…we get on Facebook and hope that their account isn’t private so we can see what kind of person they really are.  I will say that a person’s Facebook can say a lot about them, but to a certain extent.  Some people can live a lie on social media. Snooping around will only feed you lies.  So, instead of trying to know a person by what they post on Facebook, how about you get to know them the old fashioned way!  Call them. Stay up till 4am talking on the phone about nonsense and asking questions about each other.  Hang out in person.  Find out what makes them laugh, what annoys them, talk about how crappy each other’s day at work was.  A persons eyes are the window to their soul.  You can’t see their eyes or their soul by creeping on pictures from 2 years ago!PhotoGrid_1403251545859
  9. TAKE YOUR TIME.  Rome wasn’t built in a day.  So, what makes you think that a solid relationship can be built in a week?  Take things slow. But like…really slow! Screw that whole, “My clock is ticking, I’m getting older”, nonsense that society has embedded into our heads. The first weeks of a new relationship are the most exciting!  Sometimes we let that excitement overwhelm us, and we rush into a relationship without really getting to know the other person.  It takes a while to really see a person’s true colors.  You have to see how a person can deal with certain situations, or how much of a temper they have, and how jealous they REALLY can get.  You can’t truly say you Love a person within only a few weeks of knowing them! That my dear is lust. Become their friend first.  Once the trust of a friendship is built, then you can proceed with all the other mushy stuff!
  10. Learn to love yourself before you try to love another person.  Heartbreaks suck. They really do!  Sometimes they can tear you down and make you lose hope in any future relationships.  Sometimes heartbreaks make you think that you were the reason for the failure.  It’s a normal feeling, but don’t let that feeling stick around for too long.  Grow from the pain.  Then learn to love yourself again, but truly love yourself.  Take yourself on a date, alone. Being alone is not such a bad thing.  Society just makes us think it is.  Enjoy a single life before you jump back into another relationship.  Loving yourself will make you a happy and positive person, and what man isn’t attracted to a happy and positive woman!
  11. Success is by FAR the best revenge. Success in your career, school, appearance, whatever! Showing a man that you are able to bounce back from any obstacle is a huge thing!  Get back that rocking body you once had, finish school or a project you put on hold, get yourself that amazing career you always wanted!  Do something that will make him think…”Dang, I could have had that”, not something that will make him think, ”Dang, I’m glad I got rid of that!”  Pity parties, destroying his property, dating his friends, or anything else along those lines does NOT serve as revenge.  It just makes you look really immature, and in that case hunny…’s probably best that he left you.


Love is like a drug.  We all crave it at one point in our lives, and once you get a good taste of it you never want to let it go.  Love is what makes the world go round.  I’m only 26, I probably still have a few more heartbreaks ahead of me, but as long as this little heart of mine is still beating…I’ll always be the girl who reaches over to open the driver seat door for a man, because I’m a Hopeless Romantic…. And I’m ok with that!


2 thoughts on “TOUGH LOVE: Confessions of a Hopeless Romantic.

  1. Iris…it may seems that true romance is a hard thing to find but it’s not…your journey can be long or journey was long.. 5 marriages and finally found that person for me…we still experience ups and downs but we work together to resolve whatever issue arises. Many of the things you have gone through and will go through are part of that experience. Stay true to yourself and be honest in what you want in your will happen..good luck to yourself on your journey and p.s. nice guys do deserve a chance..I know…I am one of those nice guys and somebody gave me a chance and am extremely happy for it…😊👍

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